No no no no no no NO

I'm practicing my answers to the following questions:


"We'd love to have someone with your experience on this search committee."

"Can you be here at 7 AM in time to catch the bus to the state capitol for a day of meetings with our Representatives?"

"Wow, that chest cough sounds awful. Could you help me rearrange the furniture in here? This futon is too heavy for me to lift."

"I'm working late 3 nights this week. Oh, and could you go grocery shopping? We're out of those granola bars I like."

"Will you make me a suit of armor out of this cardboard box?"

"After we write letters to all the members of City Council, we can call their offices to set up individual meetings."

"Can't you cancel your vacation, because I was planning to visit you that week. With ALL of my children."

"Can you drive me to Washington, DC?"

"Could you please spend seven hours volunteering at the school next Thursday? It will be mostly heavy cleaning."

"Could you find out if his adult children knew he was planning to leave me?"

"Can you come to my wedding in the Midwest?"

"Even though the last two hours are the only part that's relevant to your work, we really think you should be present for the entire conference."

"Can I have all your jewelry, Mom?"

"We'd love to come over for dinner. I don't eat gluten, and she doesn't eat cooked food."

"The discussion on this national listserv is getting nasty. People are attacking each other so viciously. We really need you to join the discussion and represent our views."



Please, somebody, stop me before I volunteer again.


PS. These are all ACTUAL REQUESTS that I have received from my friends, family, and coworkers in the past couple of weeks.