Bringing your family on business trips

Here are a few lessons I learned from my first adventure bringing my family to a professional conference.

1. Buy decent luggage.
We pulled up in front of the hotel late Thursday night, and one of the most well-connected people in the state was standing out front talking on his cell phone. He edits a major professional journal. He knows everyone. He stood there and watched while we unloaded our ratty old stroller, our wrinkled dress shirts (gotta get a garment bag), our cooler full of toddler snacks, our Thomas the Tank Engine fuzzy blankie, etc. I realized afterward that I had a sippy cup clamped by its handle between my teeth the whole time.

2. Don't eat at the hotel.
There were a number of conference-related business meetings that took place during meals. How could I attend with someone who would be likely to ask at top volume, "Can I have ketchup in my oatmeal?"

3. Line up superb childcare.
My son was largely out of sight during the conference. This was because my sister lives near the conference hotel and she kept him while we were in meetings. Without this advantage, I think we would have had to pay a friend to come with us and watch him. Our other idea is to team up with another professional family where one or both adults are in our field. That way, we will have more adults to share the childcare and we will each be able to attend most of the conference events. My partner has a former colleague whose spouse is in a different field. We're thinking of coordinating with them the next time we go to a conference. Their 2 kids can hang out with our son, and the one adult who isn't attending the conference can watch all 3 kids.

4. Don't cheat your employer.
My travel, meals, conference registration fees, and lodging was paid for by my employer. My partner's employer paid for his travel and his registration fees. We had to juggle receipts a little bit, but we didn't want our son's meals to end up on the tab of either workplace. My coworkers needled me about this, saying I should just order huge room service meals and share them with my family. But I was already putting them up in my hotel room at my employer's expense (altho it didn't cost my employer more to have them there) and I didn't want to abuse the situation. Better not to do something you wouldn't want your boss to know about, especially since it's a little unconventional to bring your family along when you travel for work. If you're scrupulously honest, your employer will be less likely to object to you representing the company while you're carrying a diaper bag.

5. Don't try to hide the kids away.
It would have been inappropriate to bring my son to any actual meetings. But there was no way, unless we stayed in a different hotel, we could have totally disguised his presence. Most people smiled at us and seemed comfortable with the idea of having him there. I was very self concsious when we first arrived, but by the end of it I felt pretty relaxed.

I decided it was okay to go for this impression:
"I'm a well-balanced person whose work is integrated into the rest of my life. See? My comittment to my family doesn't prevent me from giving papers at professional conferences."

I had no hope of achieving this impression:
"I'm a professional above all else. My work is paramount and nothing interferes with it."

And really, when it comes right down to it, I wouldn't want to work for anyone who didn't grok that I can wear the professional hat and the parent hat with equal aplomb, and often at the same time.

Related posts:
Family-friendly workplaces