Could you live on what you pay your nanny?

NYCMoney recently wrote about the decision parents, especially mothers have to make about whether they should continue to work outside the home after having kids. This post struck a chord with me not just because of my own family/work balancing act, but because she also brings up the ethics of paying (or underpaying) for childcare.

I've thought about this a lot because I used to be a nanny. Now that I'm a parent, I really don't want to exploit another person the way I felt exploited as a nanny. If I was hiring a nanny, I would want to hire someone who took the job as seriously and did it as well as I did. If I wanted someone to work that hard at caring for my child (and also be loving with my child and truly care about him), I wouldn't feel comfortable paying less than, say, $12/hour, with annual cost-of-living increases. I would want to provide the basic benefits that I think every worker should have--paid sick, vacation, and holidays. Retirement benefits. Health benefits.

Now, obviously I can't afford to pay somebody $12/hour plus benefits. If I did that, I'm not even sure I would break even, especially when you consider that if I work an 8 hour day I'm really paying for 10 hours of care (time to get the kid and caregiver settled together, plus commute time). But I'm unwilling to pay less. Therefore, I will not hire a nanny. Ever.

So, I send him to a daycare center. It's less personal. It's full of germs. But at least I'm not expecting someone to come to my home every day and give her heart and soul to make sure my son is snuggled and fed and clean for the bargain price of $6 or $7 or even $8 an hour. (Although I don't actually know how much his teachers at daycare are getting paid, so maybe I should get off my ethical high horse).

A friend of mine who has done both sex work and childcare says that they're very similar in a lot of ways, except that sex work pays better. When she first said this I was shocked and a little uncomfortable, but then I thought about it and I see she has a point. They both require you to use your body to minister to someone else's physical needs in a way that depletes your own energy, both emotional and physical. I've never done sex work, so I can only imagine what that must be like.

But I have done childcare, and I have to say I have never had a job that used me up to the same extent. I still have physical conditions that began when I spent several hours a day carrying around someone else's 30-pound kid in a backpack. Now, I can't take my own son for hikes, because my body won't tolerate carrying that kind of weight on my back. And emotionally, I still feel the loss of a little child who I really did come to love. There are some songs that bring tears to my eyes every single time I sing them to my son as he's going to sleep, because they remind me of the little girl I used to sing them to.