The biggest gift I can give my son

I want my son to be raised by his parents. I don't want to pay a series of nannies, daycare centers, and babysitters to raise him for me. This is more important to me than sending him to private school, or paying more to live in a good public school district. It's more important than dressing him in new clothes instead of hand-me-downs. And yes, it's more important to me than having a luxurious retirement.

Here's our story.

For the first six weeks of his life, my son had two stay-at-home parents. His dad was on unpaid FMLA leave (which we were able to afford because both sets of new grandparents helped us pay the rent for a couple of months). I had left my grant-funded job, which was winding down anyway. When he was six weeks old, M went back to work full time, and I started a new job working about 10 hours/week. Two months later, I got a second job and my hours jumped to 25/week.

If you've ever left a helpless infant with strangers for ten hours a day, you know how wrenching it can be. I wouldn't relive those first few weeks for anything, but I'm really proud that more than two years later, he's only going to daycare part time, and more than half of his time is still spent with one of his parents.

Before L was born, M and I made an agreement that I'd work part time for the first 18 months or so, and M would be the major breadwinner. Then, I'd get a full time job, and M would work part time. We were able to do this because we were at roughly the same point in our careers (and in roughly the same field), so we made about the same amount of money. We were also able to do this because we were committed to truly co-parenting. For us, this meant sharing ALL the tasks associated with childcare and housekeeping as equally as possible. Sure, M can't breastfeed, but that meant he changed more diapers.

We were very lucky. My two part-time jobs both have benefits. One of them even gives me paid vacation, sick, and holiday leave. When it was my turn to work full time, I was able to expand my hours at both jobs, and take my time looking for a single full-time job. And when it was time for M to drop down to part time, he was able to negotiate a permanent, half-time managerial position, with pro-rated benefits.

We've saved a lot of money in childcare by having one of us home a couple of days a week, but I know overall we've taken a financial hit by not having both of us fully in the workforce. If we both worked full time, we'd probably be able to make a combined annual income of $75-80K. As it is, we make about $60K. M's retirement account, which needs a boost because he's only about 20 years from retirement, is suffering while he's only making contributions with a half-time salary.

But it is completely worth it. Our son will probably have to go to a state college. His clothes come from the local thrift store or from a cadre of older girl cousins (good thing pink is in for men). And we definitely don't expect to have a second child. But I wouldn't trade the time with him for anything.